I miss having a female friend. Hell, friends period. I have my husband and 1 good friend that lives 4 hours away. I have always been kind of a goody-goody. I rebel in the little ways. I fist and kendo-stick fight my husband. I refuse to carry a purse. I don't want kids. I'm blunt to the point of being a complete (although unintentional) bitch. I dye my hair. I pierce my eyebrow. I pierce a nipple. I plan my tatoos.
I get straight A's. I graduate 7th in my class. I continue to a highly rated and expensive college on scholarships, grants, work-study and small student loans. I get my degree. I get a job. I get married.
And I can't keep a female friend to save my life. I wrote a little poem about this:
To Everyone I Used to Love (and still do)
I don’t want to be your friend.
I don’t want to get close to you.
It’s not that I don’t care,
It’s that I care too much.
I can’t see the people I used to know.
I cling to anonymity as a barnacle to a ship.
No pictures, no names, no numbers.
I am unlisted. I am unreachable.
I pray that no one finds me.
I won’t look up your Facebook or MySpace page.
I don’t want to know that you are happy or sad.
Every time I see your face,
Every time I hear your name,
I feel the pain over again.
All I can think about is your betrayal.
I have forgiven you but I cannot forget.
I have been dropped too many times
It’s not your fault.
You are only one of many.
And now I am broken.
Now there are two that I hold dear
I live in constant fear that they will wake up,
See whatever it is that everyone else has seen,
I have often wondered why I am not good at it. I don't write interesting commentary and I have trouble updating on a regular basis.
But isn't blogging a lot like having a diary except that it's open to the public instead of kept in a locked room?
Today Tony said something mean and Jackie smacked him. I cracked up SO hard! ha ha ha!"
The sort of thing previously attributed to young and teenage girls until it was discovered that many famous artists, writers, musicians and world famous geniuses kept notes about their ideas, lives and inventions in the adult equivalent thereof.
Well I have never kept a diary. My version is a smattering of post-its, scrap paper and the occasional half-used sketchbook. I have a tendency to keep all of my thoughts in my head or written on the closest handy flat surface (or sometimes I simply use my body).
The truth is that I'm just not good at this sort of thing. I see things, think things and invent things on the go. I can't always have a specific notebook or computer handy. I have always failed at keeping things all in one place. I am just not organized.
And so, today I introduce my version of an online blog: "Scraps of a life: Things I shove in my pockets throughout the day."
1. A pink post-it with an exquisitely drawn shot-glass that reads "SHOTS! The most important drink of the day! (The one that F's you up!)
2. Pink post-it reads:
(Ah, this is my work schedule for the bar next week. I will now attach it to...my fridge. I look at that often enough)
3. Ooo! Money! Huzzah!
4. Sweet! Loose change!
5. Ah. There's my chap-stick. I've been looking for that.
6. Ha! My paycheck. It is more than usual. This may make up for our really shitty business last night. (note to self...go to bank)
7. Blue post-it...Oh. This is that Oreo cookie shot recipe I found. It tastes like a hopped up MudSlide.
That looks like it from the pants. Let's check the ol' breifcase.
1. On stationary paper that says my supervisor's name (5 different companies sent him this kind of thing for free) Ah. More shot glass drawings. There is a decent tall drink drawing on the back. (it even has a lemon!)
2. A "Save over 68% ad from Science Fiction Book Club.
3. A 50 cent off coupon for Fantastic World Foods soups.
4. Eye drops.
5. Yellow post-it. Reads, "Lookup (underlined). Snicker's shot. Orange Sherbert Shot. Oreo Shot.
6. Hmmm. The product number and information for my plastic mesh order.
7. 2 paycheck stubs. Yeah, to the filing pile.
8. Note. (regular paper, folded) "Draw shot glass tonight"
9. Replacement product notification email...yup, to the "to file" pile.
10. Oh, shit. This Express coupon is only good for today? (trash)
11. Event/Meeting Planning Work Sheet. I'll put that one back in.
Thought for the day: "I obviously like my part-time job way better than my full-time job."
That's right. I said Anal Lube.
You see, I have extemely sensitive skin and I'm kinda small (No, I am not talking about my rear end here). My husband, on the other hand, may be a tall skinny white guy but he is not small in any other way, shape or form. And regular lube burns. And if any one out there doesn't know what that is like, pray you never do. I'm not kidding when I say it burns. I mean it buurrnnss.
Hence, Anal Lube. Completely safe for non-anal usage. No burn. Heavier Duty. Lasts longer.
Anal Lube is my hero.
You want to know what sucks?
Not being able to eat bread...or large amounts of tomato.
Some of you out there may be saying, "Tomato? I hate tomato, that's not a problem." Less of you are probably saying, "Why? Are you on a diet?"
No, I'm not on a diet. However, glucose (wheat) and tomatoes have a tendency to shut down my digestive tract.
And to all of you tomato haters who think tomatoes are soooo easy to avoid...have you looked at the ingredients for your favorite BBQ sauce? Or how about that hot sauce or burrito? That taco sauce you love so much...yeah, tomato paste. All freaking tomato paste.
In fact, score through the ingredients on most of your sauces, your seasoning packets, your frozen foods...about 98% of our foods contain either gluten or tomato.
Pizza? May I have it with gluten free crust and an olive oil or butter sauce?
May I have my hamburger without the bun, please?
Ah, sub sandwiches...can you wrap that in lettuce? Do you have a gluten free bread option?
Did you know that a lot of places lightly bread their fries?
Those mozzarella sticks? Those fantastic buffalo chicken strips? Yeah, wipe those from the menu.
Every day I watch people around me munch down on glorious Twix and Kit Kats, Reubens, turkey and swiss sandwiches, baked and breaded chicken, hamburgers and pizza, fabulous, wonderful pizza. I walk through the grocery aisle and stare longingly at all of the things I no longer have a use for. Mayonnaise. Deli sliced meat. Sandwich sliced pickles. I just wish I could have it all without the pain and suffering that follows. *sigh*
The only way to have any of this is to buy special ingredients and make it by hand. Working two jobs, this is hardly a possibility.
On the bright side, my grocery bill has dropped significantly and I have a perfectly good reason for buying copious amounts of potatoes. :)
P.S.- Yes, I know I can buy potato bread. I have not been able to find an organic brand. Besides, have you ever tried potato bread? How do you manage to make something with such potential fail so miserably?
Yesterday was jam packed with work, work, work. I got maybe 4 1/2 hours sleep.
Schedule for tonight:
I suppose eating and a work out are in there somewhere.
If you're a St. Louis based Discworld fan please check out http://community.livejournal.com/discwo
I love fall. I like the colder weather and the leaves changing. I do not, however, like the fact that I have no warm clothing.
A couple of months ago I looked at my closet and realized that everything I owned was pretty much from high school. So I tossed it all. The problem is that I hate shopping, I have no money and thus I have no clothes.
I suppose the idea was to find clothing that is slightly more trendy and makes some attempt not show my midriff. Don't get me wrong, I love my abs, but, at 23 I should probably wear something a little more mature.
Still, I really don't fell like shopping and I always have my wool trench coat. :) ha!
It would seem that staying out late on Friday was not such a terrible idea after all. Instead of working at the bar on Saturday night after I short nap I ended up spending the evening at the hospital. I literally did not get home until around 3am.
Now I have some pain medication for the next couple of days and I've been cleared for light work after 2 days of bed rest.
I see the doctor on thursday to find out if I need surgery.
I was out late last night talking to my husband and his new coworker at "The Shop". Stupid on my part seeing as how I had to get up early so that I can go watch kids for a couple of hours and have to be at the bar at just before 5 to work.
No, I'm not a waitress. I'm actually a bartender and I love it. It just means I have to work until 3 in the morning.
Maybe I can sneak a nap in later...
I have created a new community called Discworld St. Louis. If you live in St. Louis and are addicted to Discworld, you may be interested. I am trying to get a group together to have book discussions, have campouts or other events, etc. Maybe take trips to Pratchett book signings or even all get hyped and go to the convention in '09 together. I hoping for something resembling the UK movements of Pratchett fans.
A few more details are mentioned in the community information/profile.
And remember, 'A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.' (The Fifth Elephant)
For anyone who doesn't get the monthly Discworld newsletters, there is finally going to be a US Discworld Convention.
Details are still sketchy, but it is definitely taking place in Pheonix, Arizona Labor Day weekend 2009.
For flyers, more info and to sign up to volunteer (I did!) visit http://www.nadwcon.org!